sleep (or lack thereof)

What mom doesn't think about sleep 24/7? The first thing people ask when they see you, "how's she been sleeping?" If Julian and I had our way, we would be sleeping from 9pm-8am every night. We both LOVE our sleep. Eloise's sleep habits have been so up and down, I never know which way we are going. Sometimes I feel that she is an amazing sleeper and I am so happy with our situation and then the next day I feel like I am the worst mom ever because she isn't sleeping well. But, I have come to realize that sleeping through the night doesn't determine whether or not you are a good mom. Some babies do, some babies don't. I have read pretty much EVERY SINGLE BOOK about baby sleep. I was very into "Attachment Parenting" and agreed with most everything Dr. Sears had discussed in his books. I agree with breastfeeding for a year, baby wearing, responding to your babies cries immediately. But, once Eloise hit a certain age, I started to believe she didn't need to be responded to as quickly anymore. So then I have Dr. Ferber and Dr. Weissbluth. I tried Dr. Ferber's progressive waiting approach and it just never worked for us because I can't go in every couple of minutes and watch my baby crying and not pick her up. It just doesn't feel right, and I feel like whatever path I choose it needs to feel right in my heart. So, that got thrown out the window. Then we have Dr. Weissbluth. His book is AMAZING. I really enjoyed reading about when nap time should be AND WHY and how to deal with sleep problems and he gives great advice and different tips for your different situations. My sister in law gave me this book and all of her kids are great sleepers. My only problem is I can't put Eloise down for a nap/bed awake. She will scream cry, and as I said before, leaving her screaming/crying doesn't feel right to me. No matter how many doctors/moms talk about how 'extinction' works and it won't harm the baby, I just can't do it. So I rock/nurse her to sleep and it takes about 15-20 minutes and then I lay her down and leave. She is a great napper and will take her two naps (she was taking three until recently) at 9 am and around 1pm. I have no problem rocking her before naps. I know many people would be sick of the rocking but "babies don't keep". She won't be this little forever and I want to cherish the time she actually wants to be rocked as long as possible. Sooner or later I will have to give it up, probably with some crying involved. I will wait until it feels right, though. Anyway, So with naptime, we rock and she sleeps. Usually she sleeps about an hour to an hour and a half per nap.

Now, bedtime. UGH. Most nights Eloise will fall asleep early (especially because she has given up her third nap). 6-630pm and we are doing bedtime routine. I felt bad about how early I was putting her to sleep but Dr. Weissbluth recommends an early bedtime (between 6-8) when the third nap is gone. So, every other night she gets a bath to start the night off right :). When there is no bath we still do a massage with lotion, I turn down the lights, we rock and I nurse. She will usually fall asleep nursing (which Dr. Weissbluth says is OK) and I'll wait about 15 minutes and then lay her down. Some nights she will sleep from 630-5!!!! But, that is rare. Most nights she gets up at least once. I have made a decision that the first time she wakes up (around 12-1) I will go to her and nurse her back to sleep. After that I turn off the volume on my monitor and try to ignore any crying. It seemed to work last night but things change. I guess we will see how she does if I keep this up. I just have to remember that as long as do what feels right at least I can say I tried my best with what I had.